Real Mom Rant #ADHD problems

I think I need to have a really good rant right now. 

I'm a little disgruntled over other parents that don't like my child because she is "too loud", or a "little hyper", or a little "over emotional". UGHHHHH

My Child has Attention deficit hyperactive disorder. She can not always control her emotions or her voice, and she sometimes forgets that people don't like it when you are really close to them. She has to be reminded to settle down and when someone tells her to stop, she doesn't always understand that means right now! She can't always control what spews out of her mouth, so sometimes yes she swears. Who the %&*# doesn't? 

Whats your child's excuse?

What gives these parents the right? Judgmental and ignorant. Don't know my child's creativity and compassion. So they don't let their children hang out with mine because she gets a little over whelming. I know she can be loud, I'm loud, your own child can be loud too, but do I say that so and so can't hang out with my child because they did something I didn't like? I don't know that child well enough to say, no. I get to know the child first before I make any decisions. And it has to be VERY bad behavior for me to say that no you can't hang out with so and so. I also give children second chances. Or they won't learn. And Nicole won't learn to be forgiving. 

I have to stay calm and chill when I see these parents at the school on a regular basis. Knowing what there "perfect angels" are doing behind their backs. Check your kids social media once and a while. Its like a whole different universe to these kids and they don't understand that what happens on social media can affect how people see them. 

Parents are too afraid of their children not liking them now a days, "facebook parents", can't get off their own social media long enough to spend time with their own children or see how they behave behind their backs. Also a lack of discipline from parents and authority figures in the school. Teachers are not even allowed to raise their voices too loud, or they are considered mean. Man it was a good day when the teacher only raised his or her voice. I mean I certainly don't want the paddle or dunce cap coming back but let the teachers have the ability to discipline a child. Send them to the office. Make children respect teachers and principals and counselors. Just their elders in general. You see it too often the complete disrespect this generation has toward their elders.

I'm getting off topic, I just get so mad when I hear from Nicole that another one of her friends can't hang out with her because that persons parents don't like her. Is that something you should really be saying to a child? Shouldn't the child be the one making these decisions? At least to a point? If you trust your child to walk home by themselves at 10 or 11 doesn't that mean they can make the decision as to who they can hang out with and decide for themselves if that person is a good fit for them? I mean if they are smoking or drinking or worse, then by all means cut them off, but because someone is a little loud? Or emotional. COME ON!!!!

But maybe I'm too old school for my own good. But it seems to have worked for my oldest daughter, so i'm not going to change my parenting. I let my children be who they are, I don't want to change them because they are a little loud. When you are loud, it means you will be heard. 

My oldest daughter has been the loudest one of her friends for as long as I can remember...She is also a glider pilot at 16 and second in command of her cadet squadron. She is applying to be valedictorian this year and has competed in speaking competitions. Loud is not a bad thing. People take notice when you are loud. And to me that is a good thing. 

When an ADHD child hears that they are being too something, they take that and make it 10 times worse than it is. So parents please stop being so judgmental. They are only children.  

Please tell me what frustrates you about other parents being judgmental or just plain ignorant when it comes to ADHD. 

Thanks for reading
Julia

Week 2 of medication

OK,

Week two on the Biphentin, 2 pills. There isn't any anger issues with this medication...No rage. Which is a huge relief. But I'm not seeing a huge improvement on focus, to be fair I don't see her in school. She did tell me this morning that she was feeling calmer as we were driving to school. Fingers crossed.

 Maybe I'm hoping for a magic pill which makes her a calm child, but that isn't Nicole. She will never be calm. She will forever be a creative and energetic child, which has a lot of benefits.

I was reading blogs from Totally ADD written by Rick Green last night and he has some great pointers. He himself has ADHD and has struggled with it through school. I read these to Nicole and she was screaming "That's Me" the whole time. She can totally relate. So thanks to him she is encouraged to reach our to people and share her experiences as well.

I would encourage anyone who has trouble concentrating and focusing, who is very impulsive, who is overwhelmed by the simplest of things( at least that's what your friends say) and is overly sensitive. Has the energy of 10 people and a million thoughts racing through your head. If coffee seems to help you calm down and get s%it done, don't hesitate to get evaluated by a Psychologist. Not a family physician. Our first trip to a specialty doctor just verified what I already knew, Nicole was smart to the point of gifted (strong language skills, this girl uses words sometimes I don't know what they mean, and if she doesn't know what it means, once you tell her she remembers and uses it) The doctor made her read 2 grades above her level, and said she can read, she is fine, she is just a little busy. I told her I know she can read, she does not have a learning disability, she can not sit still. This was grade 3 when she was hitting children and yelling out answers and had to stand at her seat. She could not sit through reading time and EVERYTHING was boring. (to be fair everything still is to her) 

We continued for a couple years and then her anxiety started. She had separation anxiety and would not go to grade 5 with out screaming and having belly aches and headaches all day, refusing to go to school. It was a nightmare. So we reached out to several mental health places, IWK and started a 8 week program, parenting the anxious child, through the strongest families institute. This was great. It helped my husband and I learn to parent a child with anxeity and helped us understand it better. But it did not help 100%. So we went another route( this was after she had broken her collar bone and sprained her ankle a few times, and numerous other injuries, because she would not stay off things) We were finally referred to the mental health program through the IWK that lead us to a team of psychologist and therapist. They evaluated her in a room with me and them by herself and then with a group of peers. They also had me come in for a meeting and discussed her childhood, how she was growing up, friendships, how she was with others. They took her report cards and did a full evaluation. They also gave us rating scales that we all had to fill out, including her teachers. 

This process took about 6 months, but man was it worth it. I was finally told what I already knew. She had adhd and would have it her whole life. Now she has adaptations in place at school and is finally seeing a pediatrician who is trying different medication to see which one is the right one for her. Maybe none will be. We don't know yet. But we didn't give up. I knew what she had and I wanted her teachers to give her a fair chance to succeed, not be pushed through without the proper tools for school.

Thanks for reading and have a great day
Julia

Bloglovin

Great Place to follower other bloggers and communicate with them. 


<a href="https://www.bloglovin.com/blog/19085739/?claim=w3d28heayex">Follow my blog with Bloglovin</a>

Five tips for keeping an ADHD child's bedroom clean and tidy!

The dreaded "Get your room clean" is Nicole's worst phrase, and in this house it happens a lot.

Today she must have her room clean after school or no electronics for the evening. 


My husband has OCD, for cleaning, if you understand Obsessive Compulsion Disorder, you get that my husband has a hard time just leaving a messy room alone. Nicole can't just shut her door and it magically doesn't bother my husband. Knowing ADHD people have a hard time staying on task, and OCD people can not just "ignore" something that bothers them you can image dealing with the two of them. She gets frustrated and angry and the tears come. He gets frustrated and gets angry. More tears come. And I'm stuck in the middle. 


More than once I have just cleaned her room so that everyone can stay happy and comfortable. But I know that doesn't help her learn how to get simple jobs done.


If you struggle with your child to keep his or her messy room neat, tidy and organized read on for some helpful tips.


1- Take LOTS of breaks. Putting things into smaller task, for example, put away the small toys and then you can take a break (usually play on minecraft) for 15 minutes then we will tackle something else.

2- Do it before doing something really fun. Nicole knows that if she wants friends to come over she must have her room clean before hand. This reinforces the reward system as well, you can't do one thing with out first doing this.

3-Keep them on task. Stay in the room to keep reminding them what they are doing. Nicole has to be reminded constantly of what she is doing, or she gets distracted. She makes slime and this is the hardest one to deal with. She must play with each one before she puts it away. That makes putting away the slime a longer task. I'm constantly reminding her that she has to put them away and move onto something else. 

4- Set a time limit. Sometimes this works and sometimes it doesn't. If she is having a bad day she will feel over whelmed, and get frustrated quickly. But if there is a big reward at the end then it isn't too bad. This only works if her room is only untidy and not like a tornado went through it! ( Which happens more often than you would think...and very quickly at that)

5 Encourage and PRAISE. This is one of my favorites. In this day and age I think we all forget how good it feels to have a pat on the back for a job well done. Instead of negative remarks and yelling, praise for what was accomplished. A simple "Look at how far you have come so far, only a bit farther and you will be done." We all get frustrated but trying to stay calm and chill will go along way. It helps them stay calm and get the job done.

These five tips have saved my sanity on more than one occasion.

Hopefully these tips help you, even if your child isn't hyper, but just does not like to clean there room (I have one that loves it).

Comment below if you have additional tips to get that disaster they call a bedroom back to sparkling.

DIY slime

Hey guys 

   So today I'm going to be doing a DIY slime.

This is a picture of a dark blue slime I made. 


 Now I'm doing this because I find slime helps me, I can fidget with it, soo ya lets get into it. The main picture on here is a picture my mom took (she LOVESSSSS to take pictures of everything)of a rainbow slime I made. 

                                                                      THE ITEMS

So the items you will need is:

1: a bowl
2:a spoon or a mixing thing
3: you will need some pva glue, i use elmers glue
4: some food colouring (optional)
5: and some borax water, contact lens solution, liquid starch or some tide
                                                                              

                                                                          DIY

#1: so the first thing you do is you take your bowl and pour your PVA glue in the bowl

#2: then you pour water in the glue bottle until its half full and shake the water, to get all the extra glue out of the bottle

#3: next you can pour in your food coloring and them mix in the water, glue and food coloring.

#4: so then when its all mixed in you can start adding in the borax and the measurements are 1 tps of borax and 1 cup of warm water and mix that in together and then add it in.

#5: then when it looks like the slime is coming together you can take it out and play with it and add more borax water if its sticky.




SOOO, that is all I have for you today thank you for coming by and see you on our next blog;

Comment below if you have questions about us or what you would like us to talk about.

Minecraft and Nicole

I would like to share my experience with Minecraft and how it has been in our lives since it came out.


My oldest daughter discovered minecraft when she was 12. That would have been 5 years ago. And both of my daughters fell in love with it. That first summer they would spend days on it. I never got the whole pixel block building thing. ( I am a gamer but not for minecraft). Fast forward 5 years later, Nicole is now 12 and still will sit for HOURS playing minecraft. She now has the online version, as well as the xbox and PS3 versions. This is her hyper focus area. She can get so absorbed in this game that she is unaware of the time, of what is going on around her and who is with her. My husband and I must limit her exposure to her game play for several reasons.


1. She will ignore everyone and everything once she is involved. She has had friends go home from sleepovers and just hanging out because she is so involved with her game and online friends.


2. She will not get school work done. This is a huge problem with her. She detests homework. To keep homework going good in this household small amounts done in increments works best. Then she is rewarded with 30 minutes of Minecraft. This reward system works good for room cleaning and any other tedious activity that needs to get done. We learned this system through the Strongest families institute which is run through the IWK in Halifax.( this will be covered in a separate post).


3. Nicole struggles with insomnia because of anxiety. So any screen time past 8pm(during school times) is a big no no. Even myself i will notice if I am on my ipad before going to bed it is harder to get to sleep.


To limit the meltdowns, at least when it comes to amount of time on minecraft, these strategies have helped immensely. Knowing that there are ways of letting her get her minecraft and that she knows this has helped a lot in getting her homework done. She knows that before she can go on minecraft there are things that need to be done. And doing them in small increments is a huge thing for her. She has this adaptation in school as well and has helped her succeed more in school. Luckily her marks have never been a problem. For Nicole it has been more of a social struggle and being made to sit still.

Thanks for reading,
Julia

First day of School, 5 ways of dealing with anxiety.

I wish there was an easy answer for dealing with anxiety. Nicole just started 7th grade, which in Nova Scotia means Jr high school. She will be at the bottom of the ladder so to speak. The smallest group of children in the school, not knowing where to go and how things are going to be different. It is where you make new friends, lose old friends, and start finding yourself. Nicole has lots of plans for this school year, starting to take her bike to school, taking a laptop to help with the extra note taking required, starting this blog...We will just have to keep going day by day.

To help with her anxiety over starting this new school year we have been discussing how things will be different but at the same time maintaining that some things will be the same. She still has the same classmates from last year, to a degree. And as always I am always a phone call away, (benefits of being a stay at home mom).  She has been discussing the new school with her older sister (luckily she went there 5 years ago and some of the same teachers still go there), and her sister maintains that she will enjoy it and that she will love the teachers that she will have. She will have more independence, for she can come home for lunch or stay. The library isn't a mandatory thing( she does not enjoy reading), and there is more time for computer labs.

All in all she is ready, but her anxiety holds her back to a degree. She had a hard time getting to sleep last night, and this morning had butterflies. But with our knowledge from working with the cool kids group we knew what to do

1- Reassure them that they are going to do great and enjoy the school, then get them to tell things they are               excited for instead of things they are nervous about.

2- LOTS of deep breathing to keep the heart rate down, to get that fight or flight response under control.

3- Drive by the school to show them its just another building and remind them that they have been her                     previously when attending siblings concerts, (Nicole has an older sibling)

4-Email the teachers and keep communicating with them. Let them know your concerns as well as the                     child's. If the teachers are aware of the anxiety they can help and recognize the signs of distress. Let               them know what you plan to do to help them as well.

5- Nicole has a small container of homemade slime that helps her keep focused, she also has fidget spinners              and a fidget cube. She insists that it helps her focus. The school she is going to does not allow them.              So I have to make accommodations. I will be speaking to the teachers, some will allow it if it isn't a               distraction (completely understandable). Let the child take something that makes them feel more                   comfortable. Something small that they can keep in there hand under the desk and out of sight of                   others so it isn't distracting.

Anxiety is common with children with ADHD, learning how to deal with it is a process but it can be done. Nicole would not go to school at the start of grade 5 with out a tantrum and it was a huge struggle to get out the door. But 2 years later I dropped her off outside the school property; the traffic was a little insane this morning; and she went right in no problems. She was nervous, she knew it and I knew it, but she went, and I'm so proud of her for just going and not looking back; except once to tell me she loved me...and that I will accept anytime anywhere.

I hope this will help some mom with a child with ADHD or anxiety. This is why we have started this blog. Always remember there is a light at the end of the tunnel and that your local hospitals have tons of resources. Never hesitate to ask for help. We finally did and it has made a huge difference.

Thanks for reading
Please message us with your own tips for dealing with anxiety for the first day of school.
Or any other time.